Dumb and Dumber Drummer Jokes - drumcircles.net

[IMAGE: drum circle beach photo]
This is a caricature of me playing morse code rhythms to a friend over amateur radio. It was done by a gifted artist and dear friend Stephanie Dolce who has since passed away. She was also a ham radio operator and drew this image before she actually met me in person. She heard me doing this over the air, and thought the visual of me keying the mic with my toes was funny. I guess it was. I never realized it until she showed this to me. It's here to remember her great since of humor, and her wonderful spirit. Heere's some of my tunes:

My CD Baby Artist Page

My SoundCloud Drum Circle Music Page

I hope you enjoy the music, and the visit to my site. It started back in 1999. I've been a full time musician, and drum circle facilitator over 30 years. Introducing people to the joy of drumming is what I love to do.

here's the drummer jokes. Some are kind of stupid, some are pretty funny. You be the judge. "I have more mismatched drumsticks than I do socks." This Indian Chief and a Cavalry Captain climb to the top of a tall hill and look out upon the entire Indian Tribe. The Cavalry captain says, "I don't like the sound of those drums." The chief says, "It's not our regular drummer." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- So this drummer walks into a pawn shop wanting to learn a couple new instruments. After talking to the pawn broker he decides that he'll "take that accordian and that red trumpet over there in the corner". The pawn broker dryly replies that he would love to sell him an accordian and a trumpet, but the radiator and fire extinguisher are not for sale. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The guy with the whip on a ancient ship with 100 slaves pulling oars and with a drummer who pounds out the tempo of the rowing steps up at the beginning of the day and announces: "Attention! I have good news and bad news! And it ain't Geiko! The good news is the drummer is sick today!" Slaves: "Yea!" Slave Master; "The bad news is Dave Weckl is filling in!" Slaves: "Groan!!!!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Billy: Mommy! I want to be a drummer when I grow up! Mommy: Now, Billy. You know you can't do both. (HA!) At the weekly rehearsal the drummer comes up to the bassplayer and says "man you wouldn't believe the day I had yesterday. I locked the keys in my car" "Oh really" replies the bassplayer. "Yeah" says the drummer "it took me three bloody hours to get the guitar player out" What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? You have to plug one of them in before it sucks. (chuckle) How do you get a drummer off of your porch? Pay him 5 bucks for the pizza. (Oh come now!) How do you tell when the drum riser is level? The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth. (nice visual) What is the difference between a drummer and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deep in the African jungle, a safari was camped for the night. In the darkness, distant drums began a relentless throbbing that continued until dawn. The safari members were disturbed, but the guide reassured them: "Drums good. When drums stop, very bad." Every night the drumming continued, and every night the guide reiterated, "Drums good. When drums stop, VERY bad." This continues for several days until one morning the drumming suddenly stops and all the natives panic and run screaming. The man asks the guide what's the matter? The guide looking very frightened says: "When drums stop, VERY, VERY bad," he said. "Why is it bad?" asked a member of the safari Because when drums stop, bass solo begin!" Oh NOOOO!!! (How do ya like that) What's the difference between a drummer and a percussionist. "Oh, about three hundred dollars a week," (hmmmmmmm.) Name three things you will find in an Ohio Garage? A Migit, a Cokehead and a washed up Nashville Drummer. (is it true?) Why are these drummer jokes so simple? So bass players will understand them! (ahem) How about the drummer who kept getting fired for having bad time. He became so depressed that he went to the railroad tracks and threw himself behind a train. (now THAT's funny) How can you tell if there's a drummer at the door? The knocking speeds up. (yawn.) How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? - 100 1 to screw in the light bulb and 99 to say how much better Neil Peart could have done it. (I should have cut this one) What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless and without a car. (actually, from personal experience...it's the lead singer-not the drummer) What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit? "Will the defendant please rise..." (almost funny) How is a drum solo like a sneeze? You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it. (well...ok) What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job? Would you like fries with that? what do strippers do to their a$$holes before they go to work? They drop them off at band practice. (sick) How can you tell which girl is with the drummer? She is the one with the bruised belly button. (I don't think I get it) What do you call a drummer with a credit card? Married whats the difference between a drummer and a mutual fund? Eventually a mutual fund will mature and make money. (I"m offended) A drummer that keeps good time, a drummer that keeps bad time, and the Easter bunny are walking down the street. There is a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk who picks it up? The drummer with bad time - the other two don't exsist. (says you!) Did you hear about the drummer that lost one of his drum sticks? He fell on his knees, threw his hands up into the air and with tears streaming down his face, shouted; "Thank God, I am a conductor!" (shrug) What's the difference between a taxi & a drummer? A taxi only has to carry 3 or 4 people at a time! (hah) How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None.....They have drum machines to do that now. (har-de-har-har) What's the differnece between a drummer and a drum machine? You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once. What does a cup of coffee and Ginger Baker have in common? They both suck without Cream. What's the difference between Ginger Baker and a podiatrist? The podiatrist bucks up the feet! (hummina hummina) How does a Nashville drummer count 7/4 time? One, two, three, four, five, six, se, ven. (that's dang funny) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The drummer decided he had suffered enough derision. He was going to buy a guitar and play some real music. He strode confidently through the door and up to the clerk behind the counter. "I want to buy me one of them Les Paul Stratoblasters, some of them foot pedal thangs, and some really big Marshallmellow stacks." "The clerk said politely, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" Taken aback, our hero replied, "Yes. How did you know?" "Because this is a travel agency." (would prob sell em nowdays) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a drummer? A tattoo! (not so) (is it?) What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? The drum machine plays in time and doesn't care about how many mics it has. Plus you only have to punch the information in once. (nothing) Hey, guys! I just got a new drum machine! It's so realistic..... It shows up 20 minutes late! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the last thing a drummer says in a band? "Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?" (ahem) Our drummer is a joke. It's hardly funny, though. Take my drummer, please! (would Henny be mad?) Why are most of these drummer jokes one-liners? So bass players can understand them. (Hyuck Hyuck Hyuck!) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think I've broken more drumsticks than I have eggs. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The top 10 reasons why it's rough to be a drummer. 10. Packing up drums while the hotties leave with other guys. (i've seen this one many times!) 9. The load-in. (get a rodie) (and PAY one? Oh come now!) 8. The load-out. (As above.) 7. Drummer jokes. (Some great ones, some rubbish ones. So what, we need to laugh at ourselves) 6. "Wipeout" requests. (I can relate. JUST SAY "NO"!) 5. Having to stand up during breaks. (Hmmmm....I kinda like to stretch my legs at a break.) 4. Sweat. (Everybody sweats. Just not as much as me) 3. Everyone thinks they're a drummer, everyone wants to play your drums) (Everyone IS a drummer. See #6) 2. The constant drone of drum beats in my mind, which must be transferred into tapping with my hands and feet, on any object, at any time. (That's half the fun. especially at meetings.) 1. Whadjya say? Quit mumbling, and speak up so I can hear ya. (what song are we playing!) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do bands have bass players? To translate for the drummer. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- A bassplayer and a guitarist were seated next to a drummer on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. "Last night I made love to my wife four times," the bassplayer bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me." "Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the guitarist responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man." When the drummer remained silent, the guitarist smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once," he replied. "Only once?" the bassplayer arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a high school drumline and shoes in a dryer? ...Nothing How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm. What do you do if you accidentally run over a drummer? Back up. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Overqualified. What do you call a Drummer in a Volkswagen? Farfromthinken. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality. (ref. jimmybarney.com) Heard at the night club... "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?" "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer." What would you call the smartest drummer in the world? Mildly retarded. What do you call 10 guys in a drum circle? A drug ring. What has three legs and an asshole? A drum stool. What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond? One will mature and make money. I once asked a drummer how to spell "Mississippi". He said, "the river or the state?" How do guitar players get away with parking in the handicap spots? They put drumsticks on the dash. Did you hear about the drummer who got accepted to Harvard? Neither did I. What do you call a kid with a set of drums? The poster child for Birth Control. How can you make a drummer's car more aerodynamic? Take the Pizza sign off of it. What's the biggest lie told to a drummer? Hang on a minute, and I'll help you with your gear. What did the drummer say to the band leader? Do you want me to play too fast, or too slow? ------------------------------------------------------------------- St. Peter was checking ID's at the pearly gates. He asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?" The man replied, "I was a doctor." St. Peter says, "OK, go right through those two shiny gates to your left. "Next person! What did you do on Earth?" , "I was a school teacher." "OK, ..through those two gates and to the left ."Next! ..And what did you do on Earth?" . "Oh, I was a musician." "All right, go around to the back door, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen, past the dishwasher..." --------------------------------------------------------------------- An amateur drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter responded: "No, that's God. He just thinks he's Buddy Rich." A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain instead. You're now a drummer". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Here's some more. Doumbek Drum Jokes. Why was the doumbek player buried 20 feet deep? Because deep down he was a nice guy. Which is larger...a doumbek or conga drum? They're both the same size; dumbeks just look smaller because a doumbek player's head is bigger. What's the difference between a doumbek and a jack-hammer? A jack-hammer only repeats itself 10 times a second. You are in a room with Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden and a doumbek player, and your gun has only 2 bullets left. What do you do? Shoot the doumbek player twice just to make sure. What's black and brown and looks good on a doumbek player? A Doberman When should a doumbek player tune his doumbek? Whenever a difficult section comes up in the music. What do you call a beautiful woman on a doumbek player's arm? A tattoo. What's the similarity between a doumbek player and a philosopher? They both perceive time as an abstract concept. What is the difference between a doumbek and dripping faucet? The faucet has a sense of rhythm. What is perfect pitch? Tossing a doumbek into a trash can without hitting the sides. What do you get if you drop a doumbek off the Leaning Tower of Pisa? Applause. What is the difference between an onion and a doumbek? Nobody cries if you chop up a doumbek. What has eight legs and flies? Four doumbek players. (Lord of the flies) What is the ultimate sincere compliment you can pay a doumbek player? "Nice tooth." You are holding a morningstar and you see before you a set of bagpipes and a doumbek. Which do you crush first? The bagpipes; business before pleasure. What do you call 500 doumbeks at the bottom of the Mediterranean Ocean? A good start. What is the difference between a doumbek and a lawnmower engine? The lawnmower can be tuned. What has 24 legs and three teeth? The front row at a doumbek workshop. What do you call a hundred doumbeks up to their rims in sand? Not enough sand. What is the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead doumbek player? There are skid marks in front of the skunk. What is the difference between a doumbek and a chainsaw? The chainsaw has dynamics. Why is the doumbek more popular than the bowed psaltery? There's more room for drugs. You are lost in the woods and you see a musical doumbek player, a doumbek player with no sense of rhythm, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Who do you ask for directions? The dysrhythmic doumbek player...the others are hallucinations. What do you call a doumbek player with half a brain? Gifted. Why is a dead armadillo in the road more tragic than a dead doumbek player? The armadillo was on its way to a gig. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.” - Mary Ellen Kelly Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So you don't have to retrain the drummers. How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door? The knock always speeds up and when you open the door they don't know to come in. How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? 1. “Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?” 2. Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in. 3. Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb). 4. Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins. 5. None. They have a machine to do that. 6. Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him. Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses? So they don't disgrace themselves in parades. A Conguero is seeing a married woman when her husband's away. They're at it, when there's a knock at the apartment door! (Here you knock, five EVENLY spaced knocks) Woman whispers "Quick-hide-Papi, it my husband!" (Five more evenly spaced knocks, louder) The Conguero shouts, "Clave, man, CLAVE!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you make a drummer a millionaire? Give him a billion dollars. What do you call a groupie who hangs around and annoys musicians? A bodhran player. What do bodhran players use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the best thing to play a bodhran with? A razor blade. (From the dreambook:) A doumbek player comes over from Turkey to work as the drummer for the house band in a traditional Turkish resturant in New York City. After a few weeks he discovers a jazz club close to the resturant and begins to go there after work. A few weeks after that he finds a blues club and begins to go there too. He becomes so inspired by all of the live music in NYC and he begins incoporating these styles in his act. One day the band leader comes over to him during a rehersal and says..."Muhammad, is it too much to ask for a simple Downbeat on the Nine and Thirteen?!?" So three drummers walk into a bar, the third one ducks. badabing! What's the difference between Big Foot and a smart drummer? Big Foot has been spotted several times. What do you call a person who hangs around with musicians? I thought it was a groupie, but now I know, it's a drummer. bada-bing A drummer left his drum in the back seat of his car, locked it securely and went to dinner. When he came back, the rear window of his car was broken out... And two more drums were in the back seat. (This was originally an accordian joke) From Paul H... How do you know if you are a masochist? Answer: When you go to a drum circle and people beat on you. How many drummer jokes are there? Only two or three, all the rest are the truth.


Free Drum Circle Jam Downloads I like to give away something for free to people who visit my website. Here's a few free drum circle mp3 downloads. The 4 drum circle mp3's below come on the free CD included with my 101 Rhythms DVD. $15 for both discs. (Info at home page)

More Cowbell Drum Circle mp3 Download Part 1

More Cowbell Drum Circle mp3 Download Part 2

Almost Fanga Drum Circle mp3 Download Part 1

Almost Fanga Drum Circle mp3 Download Part 2


A sample of 6 Drum Circle Rhythms from my 2 drum circle rhythms CDs. Please bear in mind these are only 10 second clips of each rhythm. On the CDs, and DVD each rhythm is a full one minute long. Plenty of time to get into them.

6 Drum Circle Rhythm Samples

7 Minute Sample from my 2 CD set Ultimate Live Drum Circles. It's 7 one minute clips of different jams. (mp3 is 7MB.)

7 minute Drum Circle mp3 Sample Download


Check out the main page with my 2 hour DVD "101 Drum Circle Rhythms" & "The Live Drum Circle CD" You can get the DVD and CD for $15 + $2 shipping. My 300 page book on hand drumming & drum circles is $8 on Kindle. Please visit the home page for more information.

While you're at it, check out my drum circle finders, where you can locate drum circles near you in your state. There is over 1000 listed and it's still growing. Also a global drum circle finder. These istings are updated regularly. Established in 1999. Click the link below to go back to the drumcircles.net home page.

Back to drumcircles.net main page


To listen to some more full length drum jam mp3's, and for some free djembe drum ringtone downloads for your phone, visit the Wild Drum Circles page. No registering, or signing up for anything is required. To the Wild Drum Circles page


I hope you enjoy your visit to my site. Please consider picking up a set of my drum rhythms, or drum circle CD's. A 2 disc set is ten bucks + $2 shipping. I also have some free drum circle music mp3s & ringtones. Here's the page link:

To the Drum Circle MP3's Page


Results of the Funny Drummer Jokes With The Most "Likes" FaceBook Contest: The winner of the funniest drummer joke with the most likes was by: Justin R: What do you call a drummer who doesn't listen to anybody but himself, plays really loud and is always drunk? A guitar player. The next 2 runner ups were both good, and got the 2nd most amount of "likes" (the group picked the winners). So I decided that all 3 would get a free copy of my DVD, 101 Drum Circle Rhythms, and the 2 live drum circle CDs. Thanks for participating! Jonathan A: What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool! Otha D: You can tell that the son has been to many of his dad's drum circles when the conversation is a call/response (C/R) with voice / drum: (in rhythm!) Dad, may I take the car? (Dom tek-a tek-a tek) (more and more insistent!) Maybe next week! (dom dom dom dom!) 3x (more and more emphatic!) and then the final Call is a blazing 15 second solo that blows dad away (so that I have NO IDEA in HELL what he said & son takes the car while dad is laughing hysterically & helplessly on the floor. Tree F: Hey did you hear bout the drummer who locked the keys in the car? yeah it took the band 4 hours to get him to unlock the door and get out of the car!!! Stu N: How do you drive a drummer crazy. Have him set up his kit on a round riser but tell him his mic stands must go in the corners. - OK, in the name of full disclosure, true attribution, and for those of you who are having that sense of deja vu and familiarity that you just can't put your finger on, I adapted that from a classic riddle from the days... An oldie but goodie": What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend (or wife, or BOYfriend)? Homeless! Jack J: What do you call a guy that hangs out with a bunch of musicians?...A drummer! Carolyn F: Kid: I wanna be a drummer when I grow up!...Mom: Oh, honey, you know you can't do both. Otha Day: I know it's old BUT I do love the joke: What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted! Paul W: How do you know when the stage is level? Drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth. (Some of these were already on the page, but what the heck. Many drummers have heard most of these anyway.)

To email me with any drummer jokes, please use the link below. I respect your privacy, and I never give out email addresses to anyone. My contact email is: drumcircles_net(at)hotmail.com (Or, click the link below.) Link To Email Me

If you enjoy your visit to my page, please consider picking up one of my drum circle tracks or full albums. It helps me to fund work in our community, and the cost of building and maintaining this website. Thank you.

My CD Baby Artist Page

This website, music, & photos Copyright © Shannon Ratigan 1999 - 2016 All Rights Reserved.

Some of these jokes were donated by various people. Some are mine, but I'm not tellin' which ones! If you wrote one and would like it removed, just ask. I apologize in advance if anyone might be offended by any of these. I do think it's important that we take our craft seriously, but also that we be able to laugh at ourselves.